Day 14 - Big Decisions

Today was just another typical day here at the hospital except that the nurses are letting me be more and more independent with Nicholas now. This afternoon I gave him another bath, only on my own this time. I am now able to do just about everything for him like taking his temperature, getting him in and out of his isolette, changing his diaper, swaddling him, holding him, breastfeeding, etc. The only thing I don’t do for him is do his assessments they do at every feeding time where they listen to his heart, lungs, and stomach. He is continuing to do great. We’ve had 6 successful breastfeeding sessions in a row until this evening, but he’s been quite busy today with bottle feedings and a bath. Its amazing how just those simple tasks really wear him out. Dave and I went to a follow-up doctor appointment today. We knew Dr. Trottier was probably going to talk to us about the possibility of having more kids so I was looking forward to what he might say, but was a little scared of what he might say too. He was very sincere and knew it wasn’t something that was going to be easy to hear. He hasn’t had to tell too many people that they would be best off not trying to get pregnant anymore. Between me having a blood disorder which causes my blood to over-clot, the placenta growing into my uterine wall in this pregnancy, scar tissue and other issues with my uterus, and the fact that with each pregnancy it looks like my uterus is adhering more and more into my bowels….it would not be in our best interest for my own health for us to get pregnant again. Dr. Trottier doesn’t suggest any permanent birth control procedures, but that we should really consider that Madison and Nicholas will be our only children. How do we feel about this? It’s a whirlwind for us right now. Dave and I have always talked about having four kids. We even have all the names picked out. But when all is said and done…its not OUR plan its God’s plan. Dave and I want nothing more than to follow God’s plan for our lives as individuals and as a married couple and family. If this is where God has asked us to be then we are happy as a family of four. We can’t really ask for much more as we have one girl and one boy and they are both happy and healthy! Thank you Lord for that! We may discuss adoption in the future, but for now we are enjoying every moment with our son and daughter and the future will take care of itself. I have my ups and downs with this decision, but I always come back to the fact that God is in control, He doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and it’s all about Him. We are not put on this Earth to be remembered for all that we can succeed at, accomplish, and do. We are put here to prepare for Eternity by following the life that God has planned for us to the best of our ability as we prepare to spend Eternity with Him in Heaven. In the meantime I am simply enjoying each and every moment with each of my children and my husband as I am truly blessed to have each of them in my life.